The "Nice" Factor

[dubone]

i'm thinking of buying a tsx. i had one as a loner from the acura dealer, and it is pretty sweet.

um... the car dealer was nice. (so as to not hijack the thread with a tangent )

[Skyybutter]

I have noticed some comments

[nyxmike]

I have noticed some comments

[Larryfla]

My observation and comparison of Charlotte and Philadelphia is just that, observation. I am in the airline industry so Im constantly traveling and dealing with people from every part of the country. Over time I have noticed common traits in various parts of the nation.

  As far as southerners stabbing you in the back. I shared that with a certain amount of humor involved. Its no secret that in the south it is much more common for people to be very nice and non-confrontational. But walk away from the crowd and they will drag you right through the dirt. Weve all witnessed that.People over all tend to not want to rock the boat.

  Up north people tend to be much quicker to voice their opinions on just about anything. This is not a bad thing. 

  I think regardless of the differences in people in areas of the country, the lesson to be learned is how important presentation is. Its not so much what you say but how you say it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Who are you trying to kid. I don't live in Charlotte but have in the past and visit as often as possible. I am an educator and work with practically all northerners. I have never experienced such a bunch of big mouthed, back stabbing, gossiping, non-proficient individuals in my life. And, I to have lived all over as well. And yes, they do voice their opinions (mostly behind one's back as and they know everything as far as they are concerned). Of course this must be the "Common trait" you speak of for your part of the country.

[peaceloveunderstanding]

the only thing I know is after living in MI for 13 years and Charlotte for about 5 is that in Charlotte you can actually to talk to people you don't even know on the street and have a friendly conversation about traffic or something. In the north everything is hard and fast, no drawn out storytelling like in the south. Though this changes as more northerners move south but even those that do they seem to have a different personality then those that are confined to the north for all their lives.

[Raintree21]

Charlotte born and raised and I've always tried to smile and say hi, how are you doing to most everyone. It's just the way I was raised. I even nod or smile to the homeless people but now I tend to stray away from that cause they assume that you're giving them permission to haggle with you for their "bus fare." I notice it most everywhere I go that people are like that around here. It's just the way it is. Although, I have noticed that the "church factor" has seemed to wear off a little. Used to be that one of the first questions asked to new people was "what church to you go to?"

On a side note, my freshman year of college, I went to NYC for spring break and was waiting in line at the taxi stand at Laguardia. I asked a group of businessmen in front of me how much it would cost for me to get to Manhatten where I was staying and it soon became apparent that I wouldn't have enough for the fare. They said, "tell you what, here's the $5 you'll need to cover it, just promise us you'll never tell anyone that New Yorkers are the stereotypical jerks." Then, a girl standing behind me "adopted me," asking where I was going and offered to share a cab, splitting the cost, and made sure I got to where I was going. So, not all Yankees are bad.

[Skyybutter]

Who are you trying to kid.  I don't live in Charlotte but have in the past and visit as often as possible.  I am an educator and work with practically all northerners.  I have never experienced such a bunch of big mouthed, back stabbing, gossiping, non-proficient  individuals in my life.  And, I to have lived all over as well. And yes, they do voice their opinions (mostly behind one's back as and they know everything as far as they are concerned).  Of course this must be the "Common trait" you speak of for your part of the country.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

LOL...So need I ask how you really feel?

Im a NC native. Therefore I do not claim where I currently live in Philadelphia "my part of the country".

[dubone]

that's cool that they covered the rest of your cab fare... it can be shockingly expensive.

Who knows, maybe those businessmen went back to the office and screwed a company a couple million bucks on business deal .

[appatone]

I like other area natives do make it a point to make eye contact and speak to strangers. I feel it is my job to keep the "nice" tradition going. I love random little conversations with strangers, hearing where people are from, why they came here, what they think of it, weather, business, whatever.... When I walk around Uptown I make sure I don't avoid eye contact with others or I make it a point to say excuse me or sorry or whatever, partially because it's the way I am but, also to show non-locals who just got here that it is okay for them to do the same (if they are from a culture where it generally isn

[dubone]

Most people who grew up southern know the phrase "You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

sheesh, no wonder there are so many bugs around here if all you do is give them food .

I'm going to venture out into a new theory, as no one liked my city size correlation.... do you think that politeness is related at all to quality and cleanliness of the surroundings. It seems that the dirty gritty industrial cities in the north east have the less friendly images, but in places like chicago and charlotte, which have very clean, maintained and fresh environments tend to have more friendly personas.

It makes sense on a granular level. If someone smiles at me, and we are in a dirty gritty area, i'd be a little creeped out... but if the area seems well-maintained and clean, the opposite is true.

I know that in recent times, a crime-prevention tactic is to make neighborhoods clean, and add flowers and trees and remove graffiti. Maybe the same psych effect it has in preventing crime also helps people be nicer to eachother.

[Raintree21]

I think it's just how you're raised. If you're taught to be nice and respect others, you're going to do it. The South has always been thought of as being full of gentlemen and ladies. It's just a way of life here.

[monsoon]

Very true and sadly the tradition of politness and respect for others seems to be disappearing with each successive generation. It is being replaced with a "win at all costs" attitude.

I have lived most of my adult life in Charlotte, but for a while right out of college I lived in South Florida. The difference in people's attitudes between there and here was very apparent and it was refreshing to move back to Charlotte where people are much more gentile and easy going.

[dubone]

I agree that southerners raise their kids to be polite. But don't most parents? (i grew up internationally, so i might be an outlyer, but..) my parents are from the philly area, and i was raised to be polite. I am often more polite than my southern friends and colleagues. And sometimes i am completely bowled over by insensitive (racially, culturally, or personally) comments by them.

Along the same lines, i think the global and national image of the south has suffered in the last 40 years. I don't think it has had the gentlemen and lady image has dominated what people outside the south think of it since the margaret mitchel era.

As far as culture, i can think of four or five cultures around the world that are much friendlier and more polite than the american south. (not only do they say hi to strangers, but they learn your language, among many other things). Yet, when I leave their cities, i don't think 'nice' or 'polite', i think 'bustling' or 'exotic' or 'efficient' or 'quaint' or 'fun'.

I don't know...I just think charlotte's prevaling adjective is 'nice' for more than just southern culture.

[Larryfla]

During a conversation with collegues (mostly northerners), I discussed this thread. Two of my collegues (blacks) laughed and said that they feel that "Northerners smile to our faces and stab us in the back". They also commented that they knew more where the stood with southerners and trusted them more. Fancy that!

[nyxmike]

During a conversation with collegues (mostly northerners), I discussed this thread.  Two of my collegues (blacks) laughed and said that they feel that "Northerners smile to our faces and stab us in the back".  They also commented that they knew more where the stood with southerners and trusted them more.  Fancy that!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I just don't agree with that. I've lived most of my life up North and I have come across friendly and rude people, and the same thing has happened in the South. The only difference is that down there it seems more "phoney" to me. Besides, if we are all so rude why would be smiling at people in the first place???

Charlotte is nice in other ways, but I don't think the people are any better than any other part of the country.

[larry]

sheesh, no wonder there are so many bugs around here if all you do is give them food .

I'm going to venture out into a new theory, as no one liked my city size correlation.... do you think that politeness is related at all to quality and cleanliness of the surroundings.  It seems that the dirty gritty industrial cities in the north east have the less friendly images, but in places like chicago and charlotte, which have very clean, maintained and fresh environments tend to have more friendly personas.

It makes sense on a granular level.  If someone smiles at me, and we are in a dirty gritty area, i'd be a little creeped out... but if the area seems well-maintained and clean, the opposite is true. 

I know that in recent times, a crime-prevention tactic is to make neighborhoods clean, and add flowers and trees and remove graffiti.  Maybe the same psych effect it has in preventing crime also helps people be nicer to eachother.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think that you have made an accurate analogy. Some people consider not being nice as a "section of the country" thing. I think it is all boiled down to rudeness and lack of class regardless of where one is from. I find that most northerners are pretty friendly and not that critical. It is the over 60s that seem to carry the stereotypes.

[larry]

I just don't agree with that. I've lived most of my life up North and I have come across friendly and rude people, and the same thing has happened in the South. The only difference is that down there it seems more "phoney" to me. Besides, if we are all so rude why would be smiling at people in the first place???

Charlotte is nice in other ways, but I don't think the people are any better than any other part of the country.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Did you read what I said. I am voicing the opinions of some African American (black) collegues of mine. They voiced that white northerners seem to be back stabbers and trust southern wihtes more.

[BlueBear]

Did you read what I said.  I am voicing the opinions of some African American (black) collegues of mine.  They voiced that white northerners seem to be back stabbers and trust southern wihtes more.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

From what I understand, that is a commonly held perception. Malcom X was quoted as saying the exact same thing.

[tuthdoc]

Back on track to the "nice" factor - a couple of observations from a Yankee who's moving down soon - 3 Months!!

The area I live in now is clean and gorgeous. It seems to have little effect on attitude. I think it's due to what someone said way back in the thread - it's dog-eat-dog. There is no growth and ever-increasing expenses. Employment competition is fierce, taxes are so absurd it's scary and the price for a starter home in Nassau county is approaching a median of $445k. If you were working for minimum wage or slightly higher and lived paycheck to paycheck sharing an illegal basement apartment with a hot plate somewhere for $1100 a month (a legal 1/1 here in town is $1900/month plus utilities plus parking) - how friendly would you be?? Most of these people are just not making it, much less enjoying their lives.

By the same token, there are so many "old money" people here on the Gold Coast that treat everyone they meet like "the help" that I think having an attitude is sometimes in order. The lack of middle between the have's and have nots is very noticeable here.

One main thing that I have seen so far - the ones that choose to leave and actually take the bull by the horns to do so - are doing it because they want a higher standard. It's the "nice ones", in general, that are making the move to be in a "nice" place.

Myself - I'm excited to be able to chat it up with anyone - I like to talk a lot - ask my wife! I can't wait to sip mint julips on the porch and find the best place for grits in the morning. I've been bowled over with the hospitality in Charlotte and can't wait to get there - you guys should be proud!

Keep the politicians in line, stay business friendly and tax conscious and Charlotte will continue to grow and prosper. If it does, everyone will stay nice- no worry.

Ryan

[SmellyCat]

I believe Nassau county recently almost went bankrupt even though it's home to some of the wealthiest communities in the U.S.? I'd definitely say it's time to get out!

I was reading an interesting article in the NYTimes a few months ago about the serious "brain drain" going on in Long Island, NY because of many reasons you just cited. Thanks to years of intense NIMBYism, it's just too unaffordable for talented young people to live there, even if they wanted to. One day it'll just be one large old-age home for retired boomers

[tuthdoc]

Smelly -

My wife and I are both dentists. We make a nice living that, in any other place, would be comfortable middle to upper middle class. We watch our friends and family struggle on a daily basis just to make bills and taxes while we live very modestly and still have nothing left over to save. Most of our friends have left already and you hit it on the head about how the population is aging here.

My current practice, while still doing very well, has fewer and fewer new patients that are young and new to the area. Nassau lost 38% of its people 18-35 last year - mainly, i think because there is no affordable housing here.

The consequence is that companies are having a hard time finding talent and so move on to greener pastures. As commercial leaves, the tax base becomes more residential and we all know that a residential tax base does not pay for itself. Property tax has become astronomical and the lowering of the AMT threshhold has killed it even more for the "blue" states.

As an aside, I have 9 employees. i pay them top dollar but, no matter how much I pay them, their salaries don't afford them a decent lifestyle. It's a kick in the head that we just don't want to have any more - that's why we're so excited about moving!

BTW - yes, Nassau is on the border of being bankrupt. Considering that the Gulotta administration of the late 90's had 3 staff photographers on the payroll for $100k each (and that was the tip of the iceberg) - we're not surprised. Faith in gov't here is at a staggeringly low 22% because of all of the waste. Our school district has been on "austerity budget" for the last 3 years because no one will pass it.

I do go on....

sorry...

[nyxmike]

I used to live in Nassau County. What town do you live in? I do have to say it... they can be pretty fiscally irresponsible, but the public schools there are much better than CMS.

I used to go to public school in NY, and when my dad got relocated to Charlotte I had to go to Private/Catholic school because my parents would not send to CMS because it's not comparable to Nassau County schools. But... I hated private school, and I convinced them to let me switch, so I graduated from South Meck. Although CMS was much better than private school (Charlotte Catholic is a waste of money - don't ever send your kids there!), it wasn't like back home. The classrooms, the cafeteria, and the campus was disgusting, and we never had any good supplies.

I love Long Island, but maybe thats because I don't have to pay the bills, yet...

But I want to be a corporate lawyer so maybe it won't be so bad B)

[larry]

I used to live in Nassau County. What town do you live in? I do have to say it... they can be pretty fiscally irresponsible, but the public schools there are much better than CMS.

I used to go to public school in NY, and when my dad got relocated to Charlotte I had to go to Private/Catholic school because my parents would not send to CMS because it's not comparable to Nassau County schools. But... I hated private school, and I convinced them to let me switch, so I graduated from South Meck. Although CMS was much better than private school (Charlotte Catholic is a waste of money - don't ever send your kids there!), it wasn't like back home. The classrooms, the cafeteria, and the campus was disgusting, and we never had any good supplies.

I love Long Island, but maybe thats because I don't have to pay the bills, yet... 

But I want to be a corporate lawyer so maybe it won't be so bad B)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think that you are confused. You will find the 'beotch about charlotte' threads on Skyscraper.Com

This thread is generally frequented by subscribers that like to discuss progress in Charlotte and keep others abreast. If we get a yen to hear individuals speak negatively, we simply go to the aforementioned.

On a final note, I hope you realize that Charlotte is more diverse than Nassau County being that Nassau Co. is a county with practically all rich, white people that commute to NYC. Charlotte, on the other hand has rich, poor, different colors, and immeasurable growth. Hearing a northerner use the comparitive terms 'back home' or 'up north we....' boils our blood. There must be a reason you moved to Charlotte. If one moves here and looks down on it, they must be a bit daft? Good luck on becoming a corporate lawyer. New York needs a you

[nyxmike]

First of all, I wasn't speaking negatively about Charlotte, the CITY. I was saying as a student, I was not impressed by the SCHOOLS. Second, did you not read that my father was relocated there? I was in high school, and I had friends. I had to leave everything I was used to and move someplace else, and it doesn't make you exactly love the place at first. So what? I'm back in NY for college, but I have come to terms with Charlotte and I like to watch it grow - isn't that what this website is about??

And the whole thing about Charlotte being more diverse thing, maybe it is, but it's because most of Mecklenburg County pretty much is Charlotte. You don't have to tell me about diverse because I lived in Queens before Nassau, and Queens is the most diverse county in the United States. Are the counties surrounding Mecklenburg diverse? I thought northern Union County was full of rich, white people, and so is South Charlotte, and even Lake Norman. It happens in any place you go, just in NY it is on a much larger scale because there are more people.

[larry]

First of all, I wasn't speaking negatively about Charlotte, the CITY. I was saying as a student, I was not impressed by the SCHOOLS. Second, did you not read that my father was relocated there? I was in high school, and I had friends. I had to leave everything I was used to and move someplace else, and it doesn't make you exactly love the place at first. So what? I'm back in NY for college, but I have come to terms with Charlotte and I like to watch it grow - isn't that what this website is about??

And the whole thing about Charlotte being more diverse thing, maybe it is, but it's because most of Mecklenburg County pretty much is Charlotte. You don't have to tell me about diverse because I lived in Queens before Nassau, and Queens is the most diverse county in the United States. Are the counties surrounding Mecklenburg diverse? I thought northern Union County was full of rich, white people, and so is South Charlotte, and even Lake Norman. It happens in any place you go, just in NY it is on a much larger scale because there are more people.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I don't want to get into a pissing contest, but you are mixing apples and oranges. I was talking about Nassau county, not Queens. And, I was also talking about Charlotte, not Union County or Lake Norman. This website is about hometowns. The general purpose is to discuss developement and/or new places of interest. It is mostly a positive site. It comprises of mostly people that are proud of their hometown and want to discuss improvements and progress. And, by the way, Dade County, Florida is the most diverse county in the U.S.