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I have been a bit sensitive lately, my apologies...


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My 80 year old father had an accident which was not his fault back in January and 3 months later he is still in assisted care. He may never walk again, and the family has been emotionally drained dealing with that issue. My employer is in a critical financial state. We had 13 lay-offs in the past few months and our financial condition is weak, so I have been looking for a new job too no avail. I was ill for most of February, so 2015 has not been too great, so my mind has either been elsewhere,  or I have been emotionally drained thus not in the mood for much debate or criticism. 


I have relied too much on interests and hobbies to fill the emotional void, and thus I have been a bit over sensitive in discussions and debates. I shall be taking a break for awhile to think some things through. I am a bit tired at this point, and my father's recovery will take another 6 months to a year.


My apologies, 



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I have to "like" you last post, John, not because I want the moderators to flashlight me out of the theater "picture show" (as we called them when I was a kid), but because I had suspected all along what might have been going on from back in early March.


I can share with at least some empathy, as I get closer to the ultimate end of my time.  I have never really gotten over the sudden, totally unexpected loss of an aunt (my mother's slightly older sister and best friend), back in mid-2008, shortly after I begun my current job with the State.  Even now it's hard fight the occasional flash-backs of the moment when I had been told the news, during a pre-dawn workout, before headed to the job.  I also have had to fight off this "notion" of the ultimate "end" to come within 6 and a half years from now, when I will have become the same age of my father upon his sudden passing.  More and more frequently I actually awaken in the mornings and deliberately feel my mid-section, in relief that I actually am still around (and intact).


If I must ask for pardon in using a metaphor, I've been biting my nails raw while feeling all but convince that this "train" on which I'm riding is on a head-on collision course with a dead-end, come October, with respect to my current job, and that there seems nothing that I can do about it before it happens.  Of course, I have to go by gut feeling without over-dramatizing something that has yet to actually occur, although if and when it does, I only imagine that I might simply drop off the earth, and never to be heard from again.  I too have had no luck in landing another job, hardly even a nibble, so I know how rejection feels ─ numbness from repeated occurrences of it.  I also tend to find it shameful to even share these personal feelings, especially with this forum, since it's not generally appropriate to do so, but as I "silently" can see myself in your own mirror, I certainly can vicariously identify with much of what you have been undergoing.  So in all this, I glean solace from the fact that you shared what's on your mind, and with that, I am not alone in my need to bleed out a bit of humility.


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