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hauntedheadnc

I'm frustrated!

45 posts in this topic

Yes indeed, and it's because I'm feeling restless.

As anyone who reads my posts knows, I love my city with a passion. It's without a doubt one of the finest small cities in the nation. However, as yet another relationship collapses around me, I wonder if I simply need to explore a bigger, if not necessarily greener pasture.

I look at maps, and this city will appeal, then that city will appeal. Seattle, Chicago, Pittsburgh, Washington, Norfolk, Providence... I think about them, consider their strengths and what about them appeals to me, and then I conclude that I don't have enough money, education, or connections to make a move.

Then I also realize that I am a Southerner at heart, and to the core, which is why I'm posting this here instead of in the Skybar where it probably belongs. So I start to consider Winston-Salem, Charlotte, and on a bad day, Columbia. I'm even beginning to soften towards Greenville, SC, and if you know me, you know that's momentous.

The simple fact of the matter is that I'm just not sure anymore if I can get what I need out of life here. I wonder if I could find it somewhere else. Then I wonder if I'm foolish for even considering it, considering how deep my roots here go, and the fact that most of my family lives here. I used to be able to say that most of my friends were here too, but a lot of them have moved away -- to Charlotte, Atlanta, Seattle, etc.

If it just comes down to needing new scenery, I need a city with flavor, like Asheville. It's unique, and unmistakable. I investigate Winston-Salem, Greensboro, Charlotte, and conclude that while North Carolina excels in creating pleasant places, it's not exactly the best at creating iconic, unique, unmistakable cities. Charlotte and Greensboro especially have that pleasant vibe, but not especially the kind of vibe you get in Asheville. Winston-Salem comes close, but the college students hate it, and are more than happy to beotch about it in all the college review books.

I also need a city that has a measurable population of gay black men, because that's the kind of man I date. There are maybe five in Asheville and I've run through them already.

I suppose another reason I ask this here is because many of us are native Southerners, and understand the unique aspects of life here. Many, like myself, are also gay, and know how that adds another twist to it all.

If you've gotten this far, thank you for reading, and I want to ask this: Can anyone understand where I'm coming from here? Does anyone have a suggestion? "Restless" is a bad feeling.

Basically, if I absolutely can't find it at home -- and it's seeming that I can't -- where can I go to find a city with personality, at least somewhat close to here where my family lives, where you can make a better living than in this resort city, and where there are dates to be had? I know what I want out of life, and because it seems I can't find it here, I'm getting frustrated by this feeling that I'm going nowhere fast.

Again, thanks for reading and any suggestions are welcomed.

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Given your criteria for dating, I would suggest Charlotte. The Gay Black population is large enough here where they have their own bars (well at least from time to time). I would get a place near the upcoming Lynx Blue Line (light rail) so you ride around instead of drive.

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Thank you for your reply, but let me ask this in all honesty...

Is Charlotte bland? I realize that it's a business city, and a big city, and that it has pockets that could be considered bohemian.

But, does Charlotte have a flavor? Take your stereotypical Ashevillian and stick them in the middle of Uptown. Would they be happy?

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Then I also realize that I am a Southerner at heart, and to the core, which is why I'm posting this here instead of in the Skybar where it probably belongs. So I start to consider Winston-Salem, Charlotte, and on a bad day, Columbia. I'm even beginning to soften towards Greenville, SC, and if you know me, you know that's momentous.

Damn, no love for SC. It's alright though.

If you want a high Black gay population, Atlanta is where it is. DC may fit you well also (although it's more expensive to live there).

Hope you find a place that suits you, wherever that may be.

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Thank you for your reply, but let me ask this in all honesty...

Is Charlotte bland? I realize that it's a business city, and a big city, and that it has pockets that could be considered bohemian.

But, does Charlotte have a flavor? Take your stereotypical Ashevillian and stick them in the middle of Uptown. Would they be happy?

It mostly depends on what kind of "flavor" you're going for. The city itself doesn't have an asheville type environment (obviously) but they are in the middle of making huge steps towards that will all the new development. By 2009 this city should have a completely reformed image.

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Thank you for your reply, but let me ask this in all honesty...

Is Charlotte bland? I realize that it's a business city, and a big city, and that it has pockets that could be considered bohemian.

But, does Charlotte have a flavor? Take your stereotypical Ashevillian and stick them in the middle of Uptown. Would they be happy?

I don't quite know how to answer that except that Mecklenburg will soon have million people as compared to 215K in Buncombe and Mecklenburg is a smaller county land wise. The opportunities to find anything you want here, in my mind, are going to be much greater than anything that you will find in Asheville. Asheville is a very nice city, and its great they preserved the old downtown, but I have lived in towns that are basically tourist places before, and I feel that I would quickly become bored there.

I you want to be close to your family, I don't think there is a better choice.

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yea charlotte has flavor, in a way I had never realized until recently, its wonderful, its spacious its affordable and its teaming, from what I understand from my best gay friend, with young gay men. I can think of 10 gay black men I know off the top of my head, and I haven't lived full time in charlotte in 3 years.

http://www.outincharlotte.com/default.asp

explore if you are curious about charlottes gay community

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Thank you very much.

This is a dumb question, but how hilly is Charlotte? I was driving home from work this morning and saw the tree-covered mountains. I thought I'd really miss that if I moved, so I'd like something at least very hill if there are no mountains visible.

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Thank you very much.

This is a dumb question, but how hilly is Charlotte? I was driving home from work this morning and saw the tree-covered mountains. I thought I'd really miss that if I moved, so I'd like something at least very hill if there are no mountains visible.

It's not very hilly, elevations in the county run from somewhere around 500+ ft to a few places that are close to 800 ft above sea level. It's more hilly in the northern and western part of the county especially around the Catawba river, but it's nothing like Asheville at all. Huntersville is a 90 minute ride from Blowing Rock, so it isn't that hard to get to the mountains fairly quickly if you have a need to see them.

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For starters, it would help to know what kind of job you're going to be looking for. While a lovely city with great cultural amenities, Asheville is lacking in the job department (unless you work in healthcare or tourism/service related industries).

Charlotte isn't the hilliest city around, but you can see the mountains from any building with 10 or more floors (with west views). Crowders Mountain State Park is a mere 21 miles away from uptown. Blowing Rock, Asheville and Lake Lure are two hours away.

As far as gay life (limited to gay black men) is concerned, I would tend to think that Columbia would be a better place for you. It is one of the blackest cities in the Carolinas. I would think that the higher the black population, the more gay black people.

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As far as gay life (limited to gay black men) is concerned, I would tend to think that Columbia would be a better place for you. It is one of the blackest cities in the Carolinas. I would think that the higher the black population, the more gay black people.

Possibly from a percentage standpoint, but Charlotte has 6x the population of Columbia and from what I understand the Black population of Charlotte stands around 33%. That would put the number of Blacks in Charlotte to be greater than the entire city of Columbia.

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^I think county figures would be more appropriate, since one of fastest growing areas of Columbia isn't even located within the city limits. That would provide a more accurate representation. With that in view, 27.9% of Mecklenburg's population is Black, or 193,838 persons. Richland's Black population comprises 45.2% of the total population, or 144,809 persons. This is according to 2000 statistics. Both seem to be very comparable in this regard.

I would have recommended Columbia as well, but since it was only considered "on a bad day," I thought Atlanta was a more appropriate choice.

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Meh... I suppose I could consider Columbia, although South Carolina and I have bad blood between us. I had an extremely bad experience dating a man from Greenville that soured me on the whole place.

However, from what I've heard and read, Columbia is a bit like a more vibrant Winston-Salem. More business oriented, not quite as funky as Asheville, but having a definite funky quality to it.

I don't know.

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In the immortal words of Donny Osmond, "One bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch." One person shouldn't be your gage for an entire state. If that were the case, I'd have given up on NC when Jesse Helms was senator.

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actually donny osmond is incorrect bad apples release a chemical that causes all the apples (and other fruit) in the "whole bunch" to quickly deteriorate, its a scientifically studied fact, so.... Take that donny osmond.

I'd say wait for the gas prices to go down (even if its like only down to 2.60 I don't think they'll go much lower than that), or maybe take a train, and visit these places, could be fun.

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Go to Atlanta man. Everything you descibed, are all the attributes ATL are strong in. Atlanta is also known as the Black San Francisco. Charlotte isn't bad, but it's not on the level with ATL, when it comes to what you are looking for. Or heck try DC.

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actually donny osmond is incorrect bad apples release a chemical that causes all the apples (and other fruit) in the "whole bunch" to quickly deteriorate, its a scientifically studied fact, so.... Take that donny osmond.
:rofl:

Obviously, you don't call it Puppy Love, rdf21.

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Do let us know what u decide. Just curious though, How come you left Raleigh-Durham out of the mix? Lot's to do here. A extremely college oriented area. And a fairly unconservative area, with forward thinking.

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Do let us know what u decide. Just curious though, How come you left Raleigh-Durham out of the mix? Lot's to do here. A extremely college oriented area. And a fairly unconservative area, with forward thinking.

:rofl:

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Do let us know what u decide. Just curious though, How come you left Raleigh-Durham out of the mix? Lot's to do here. A extremely college oriented area. And a fairly unconservative area, with forward thinking.

I am not trying to speak for Hauntedhead, but he did say he wanted to remain close to his family. Raleigh is a long haul to Asheville. Seems to me that one of the Raleigh exits on I-40 is exit 299. Asheville is exit 53. I get 246 miles not counting local travel, and going west, its a pretty intense drive until you get west of Winston-Salem. And the NCDOT is perpetually working on I-40 so its a drive that I would not want to routinely make.

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Why are you laughing?

It's funny (actually I was just giving you a hard time,) Raleigh/Durham is too unprogressive for what he's looking for. I'm not saying it's a bad area, I just don't think it fits in with his needs. The gay community is much more prominent in other regions. Atlanta and Charlotte are more the SanFrans of the south.

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It's funny (actually I was just giving you a hard time,) Raleigh/Durham is too unprogressive for what he's looking for. I'm not saying it's a bad area, I just don't think it fits in with his needs. The gay community is much more prominent in other regions. Atlanta and Charlotte are more the SanFrans of the south.

I think you're going at it from the wrong angle really. Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill are some of the most progressive areas in the state. The problem is that the Triangle is too small. A larger central city like Charlotte or Atlanta would have more options, and it would be closer to Asheville.

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I'm still bouncing back and forth between Charlotte, and Winston-Salem, although if someone could give me a good reason, I'd seriously consider Columbia.

Charlotte's the frontrunner though, I suppose. I just wonder if it will be too different from what I'm used to. That, and I'm finding myself in an exquisite catch-22. If you don't have a friend or a job waiting for you, and I won't, you've got to have a job before you can move to a place. However, to find a job, you have to live in a place usually. Most everywhere I've ever worked takes one look at mailed in resumes or emailed resumes, has a hearty laugh and then deposits said resumes in the circular file.

So here I am with my piddly little associates degree in travel and tourism and my work experience, wondering if Charlotte will even have a place for me.

Oh and yes. It's of paramount importance to be close to my family. Both of my parents are diabetic and in poor health. I'd feel bad enough being any distance away, much less a great distance, otherwise I'd go with my far away option of Seattle. I have a friend who moved out there and loves it.

However, if one or both of my parents were to go in the hospital again, I don't have time to be pissing away in airports or in the car for hours and hours. Charlotte's the nearest place with a noticeable population of gay black men, so that's why I'm considering it. Hell, if I can get over my phobia of driving, I could even go back home on a regular basis for family dinners and things.

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Charlotte itself isnt hilly but there are "hills" verly close by. The Uwharrie Mtns are about 30 minutes northeast and Kings Mtn and Crowders Mtn are both about 30 mins SW of Charlotte.

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