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Single in the 616


Veloise

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Get the 8-1/2 x 14's first, boyfriend.

And per Dr Joy Browne, wait a year afterwards before dating again.

[there's a reason I agree with this...make that several reasons...]

Thanks Dr. V!

I've been separated for just over a year. The idea that should I should wait at least another year before dating again sounds draconian. What sins am I being punished for?

I've had advice in the complete opposite direction from this... that I should already be back in the game... who's right and who's not?

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Thanks Dr. V!

I've been separated for just over a year. The idea that should I should wait at least another year before dating again sounds draconian. What sins am I being punished for?

I've had advice in the complete opposite direction from this... that I should already be back in the game... who's right and who's not?

Rule of thumb (which adage has evil roots) is:

Jump in right away just to play.

Wait a year for every two-three years you were married (so you don't get caught unawares on the rebound).

No extra charge.

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Rule of thumb (which adage has evil roots) is:

Jump in right away just to play.

Wait a year for every two-three years you were married (so you don't get caught unawares on the rebound).

No extra charge.

Those are some pretty sound rules... I hate playing by the rules ;)

Thanks for the advice.

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Thanks Dr. V!

I've been separated for just over a year. The idea that should I should wait at least another year before dating again sounds draconian. What sins am I being punished for?

I've had advice in the complete opposite direction from this... that I should already be back in the game... who's right and who's not?

IME, those who get right back in are hurting, need time to heal, and acquire that at the expense of the new SO. And there's a tendency to try to "replace" the lost spouse. "Whaddya mean, you open your gifts Christmas morning? Ex and I always opened them Christmas Eve!"

And "why don't you let your hair grow and make it dark? Ex always had long dark curly hair."

And "ex and I intended to have [number] of children on [timetable]. This is something that's been part of my life plan for the past ten years."

And "my hobbies include [a], , and [c] and to have a r'ship with me you really need to buy into that."

And, finally, "playing around" for a while is probably fine as long as you're up front about it ("hi, I'm JayBlogger, and I'm newly divorced and only looking to get lucky") and completely avoid breaking innocent hearts.

(there's a reason I know that too)

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Thank goodness Nitro is in a meeting, he would be having a field day with this...

OMG, Where have I been all day?? Yes, Triple G was born with the ability to count to 22 on all of her digits. However, she's much better now.

I'm somehow reminded of an old Saturday Night Live commercial with Victoria Jackson for a product called Handi-Off for excess finger removal.

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And, finally, "playing around" for a while is probably fine as long as you're up front about it ("hi, I'm JayBlogger, and I'm newly divorced and only looking to get lucky") and completely avoid breaking innocent hearts.

cool. from now on, i'll answer every phone call, email and IM with "hi, this is Jay Blogger, and I'm almost divorced and only looking to get lucky" ... that should work well. = ; - )

thanks for the advice. i just hope i don't find a way to screw it up.

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IME, those who get right back in are hurting, need time to heal, and acquire that at the expense of the new SO. And there's a tendency to try to "replace" the lost spouse. "Whaddya mean, you open your gifts Christmas morning? Ex and I always opened them Christmas Eve!"

And "why don't you let your hair grow and make it dark? Ex always had long dark curly hair."

And "ex and I intended to have [number] of children on [timetable]. This is something that's been part of my life plan for the past ten years."

And "my hobbies include [a], , and [c] and to have a r'ship with me you really need to buy into that."

...

Whoops, I forgot one.

"Ex never quite lived up to my hopes & expectations for [hobbies], [communication], [interests], [personal development], [unnamed characteristics TBD]. I feel like I "settled" for ex, and now I've been given a second chance to find The Perfect Ideal Wonderful Soulmate of my Dreams. And gosh, you don't seem to be interesting in conforming to that lockstep."

Dr Joy has some great books out, including "Dating for Dummies." She has a radio program broadcast on WOR in NYC (I used to live for it on CKLW, the Big 8). Like a kinder, gentler, sensible Dr Laura. Check her out, and slow it down!

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Whoops, I forgot one.

"Ex never quite lived up to my hopes & expectations for [hobbies], [communication], [interests], [personal development], [unnamed characteristics TBD]. I feel like I "settled" for ex, and now I've been given a second chance to find The Perfect Ideal Wonderful Soulmate of my Dreams. And gosh, you don't seem to be interesting in conforming to that lockstep."

Dr Joy has some great books out, including "Dating for Dummies." She has a radio program broadcast on WOR in NYC (I used to live for it on CKLW, the Big 8). Like a kinder, gentler, sensible Dr Laura. Check her out, and slow it down!

Agreed.

I've waited three years myself. Works wonders!

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Is Yak being used as a noun or verb in this discussion?

BTW TripleG, here's the man for you ;) :

J/K.

The Yak is the mascot for the Detroit Free Press. We had one date at the Wealthy Street Bakery. You guys wrote about it back in the day when I was a lurker.... Remember the "COOL CITIES: Getting to know Grand Rapids, grand rapids / revitalization / downtown" thread; March 3, 2005.

Hey Daddy, it's on. I owe you one and I plan on making it a good one....

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I have been told that men feel threatened by women who are intelligent, independent, successful, etc. But that doesn't explain why I haven't had any luck.

"men"...that's rather broad. So the corollary is that we prefer women who are stupid, dependent, failures, etc?

Speaking for the men I know, I don't think so!

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Jay asked me this PM-ingly, and it's not worth keeping it a secret.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Good News Singles, meets Monday nights. (The speaker & discussion group.) A walking wounded guy hurt my feelings last year, and I was on the verge of staying away to go ride my bike that evening anyway. I might return once it gets cooler. They all seem to be 35-40 and recently divorced. I belive they still meet at John Knox, an occasional potluck picnic, lots of weekend parties and bike trail rides. Always listed in the Press in that 2-page community section on Thursdays.

Singles by Design: Holland-Christian-based, nice people. Mostly they get together to have a potluck or restaurant meal and some sort of disco/rock'n'roll dance. (I do contra dancing nowadays, went once and wasn't crazy about it. But I know several folks who are in it and keep going back. If the alternative is the couch and the clicker or the mouse...) Halloween party, bonfire, canoe trips, movies at people's houses, etc. Extra women, in my perception.

Contra dancing: 4th Friday evenings at 5th Street Hall. I think 7:30 pm. And first Saturdays at Grace Bible (no affiliation) once fall comes back. This is a great way to be held in someone's arms and spun around until you're dizzy, no strings attached. (Google "Karen contra caller" and find out lots about it.) Sometimes there's extra of whichever gender you'd prefer to have a surplus of, and they WILL WALK UP TO YOU AND INVITE YOU TO DANCE!!! I've been at this since, oh, 1981. Some overlap with Good News and SBD.

At Fountain Street Church, the gal minister's story is she walked into a room there and met her future husband. Still waiting!

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Ugh, stupid non-independent* girls are the exact opposite of what I look for. Fortunately my girlfriend is really smart! Though I think she needs to work on the independent thing, but maybe that's just because we live so far apart and I hate spending hours on the phone.

She lives in Austin, BTW, and it's possible I might have to move away from Grand Rapids at some point!

*By "non-independent" I mean girls who have to constantly call, even if you're out with the guys. Girls that can't seem to by content when they're not with you. Clingy girls. It has nothing to do with a girl wanting you to be the man in the relationship and taking charge because she can't do things for herself.

-nb

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I'm 21 (22 in a couple months) and single -- actually, I've never even had a date before in my life. Not by choice, sadly. I'm told that I look good, and many of my friends who are female all agree I'm a great guy, some even have told me they wished they could find a boyfriend who was more like me. Yet... none want to be with me in that way. WTF? I've been so confused about this all my life. I'm caring, respectful, polite, and also hold honor as an important virtue. I can say sweet-nothings in Japanese (Okay maybe not one of the 'romantic' languages, but uhh..) I'm intelligent, although a bit forgetful, or maybe just absent-minded at times (forgetful in terms of what I was doing moments ago). I'm never late for anything. Yet I can't ever seem to leave the single status. =[

I know a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm not comfortable when it comes to initiating conversation, and just about every girl in the world seems to expect me to -_-

Maybe I just need to be given a blind date, that's how my parents met. *shrug*

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I'm 21 (22 in a couple months) and single -- actually, I've never even had a date before in my life. Not by choice, sadly. I'm told that I look good, and many of my friends who are female all agree I'm a great guy, some even have told me they wished they could find a boyfriend who was more like me. Yet... none want to be with me in that way. WTF? I've been so confused about this all my life. I'm caring, respectful, polite, and also hold honor as an important virtue. I can say sweet-nothings in Japanese (Okay maybe not one of the 'romantic' languages, but uhh..) I'm intelligent, although a bit forgetful, or maybe just absent-minded at times (forgetful in terms of what I was doing moments ago). I'm never late for anything. Yet I can't ever seem to leave the single status. =[

I know a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm not comfortable when it comes to initiating conversation, and just about every girl in the world seems to expect me to -_-

Maybe I just need to be given a blind date, that's how my parents met. *shrug*

Dude... is there any part of you that's a bad boy? Sometimes women like that sort of thing. (I kinda do.) Hard to put into words. Your virtues are wonderful and precious so hold on to those. I'm not articulating this very well, sorry. Confidence, a strong belief in yourself, etc.

Let me think on this some more and get back to you with something that makes sense. Maybe you need to practice dating to get the hang of things.

Don't worry... you are so young. Things will look up. I promise!

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