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Veloise

By Veloise
in Grand Rapids Coffee House

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Sunlover38 Whistle-Stop

Sunlover38

Posted
Posted

Dude... is there any part of you that's a bad boy? Sometimes women like that sort of thing. (I kinda do.) Hard to put into words. Your virtues are wonderful and precious so hold on to those. I'm not articulating this very well, sorry. Confidence, a strong belief in yourself, etc.

Let me think on this some more and get back to you with something that makes sense. Maybe you need to practice dating to get the hang of things.

Don't worry... you are so young. Things will look up. I promise!

That is exactly what I was thinking . . .we want a "bad boy" who is a good guy . . makes no sense, i know. However, after having been run over and then backed up over again by a "bad boy" I learned my lesson. Nice guys are underrated, in my humble opinion.

So yes, hang in there and stay nice! If you get shy initiating converation, maybe you could take a class in articulation and self confidence . . . .

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Sunlover38 Whistle-Stop

Sunlover38

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I think that all the hotties (girls) in here just need to get dressed up, head down to crush in the Bob on a Saturday night and start walking up to guys and talking to them, trust me, guys will respond to this in a very positive way.

I have a few single friends that would be full support of that.

Bleh, that is so 20 something behaviour . . . .who wants to meet some drunk A&& who slinks around bars picking up a different woman every weekend? Not a great precursor to a lasting realtionship!

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AlexPKeaton Burg

AlexPKeaton

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tSlater, I know what it's like, I was the same way. I'm terrible at initiating a conversation with anybody I don't know, much less women. I'm really a shy person until I get to know someone, but how do you get to know someone if you're shy?

I almost never go to the bar. They're loud and they annoy me. If I want to have a conversation there are much better places, and if I want to get drunk I can do it at home much cheaper. And, despite the high quantity of beautiful women at bars, I wouldn't want to take one of them home to meet my family.

-nb

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Lplan Unincorporated Area

Lplan

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tslater, i think you suffer from Nice Guy Syndrome. Myself and several of my friends have been labeled this way in the past; the thing that I think will get you past that is confidence. That is the single most important item in meeting women, to me.

To get a date, inside I tell myself to pretend that I am confident (I think that's what a lot of people do anyway, even if they don't do so consciously) because if I pretend to be confident, it ends up translating itself into real bona fide confidence pretty well.

It's like pretending to be mean. If by pretending to be mean, you do or say mean things, then aren't you really, actually being mean? Same thing for confidence, i believe.

I also used to reassure myself that, although I would never have a "little black book," the relationships that I did have, although fewer in number, would be much higher in quality. I think i prefer it that way.

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Rizzo City

Rizzo

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That is exactly what I was thinking . . .we want a "bad boy" who is a good guy . . makes no sense, i know. However, after having been run over and then backed up over again by a "bad boy" I learned my lesson. Nice guys are underrated, in my humble opinion.

So yes, hang in there and stay nice! If you get shy initiating converation, maybe you could take a class in articulation and self confidence . . . .

I'm a bad boy who is a good guy. That's one reason I am taken. But always the good side for my girl, and bad side to any and all who %%%% with my love.

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Veloise City

Veloise

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I'm 21 (22 in a couple months) and single -- actually, I've never even had a date before in my life. Not by choice, sadly. I'm told that I look good, and many of my friends who are female all agree I'm a great guy, some even have told me they wished they could find a boyfriend who was more like me. Yet... none want to be with me in that way. WTF? I've been so confused about this all my life. I'm caring, respectful, polite, and also hold honor as an important virtue. I can say sweet-nothings in Japanese (Okay maybe not one of the 'romantic' languages, but uhh..) I'm intelligent, although a bit forgetful, or maybe just absent-minded at times (forgetful in terms of what I was doing moments ago). I'm never late for anything. Yet I can't ever seem to leave the single status. =[

I know a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm not comfortable when it comes to initiating conversation, and just about every girl in the world seems to expect me to -_-

Maybe I just need to be given a blind date, that's how my parents met. *shrug*

Tony, this is one thing I would keep a secret (i.e. 21 and never been on a date). I would work on clearing that threshold first, then thinking about the other one (i.e. carrying yer new bride over).

A date is just a duet with two people who like each other well enough to go for coffee or a pop or a walk or a bike ride or whatever. One doesn't just walk up to a stranger and ask 'em out. Cultivate some friendships, talk to those girl friends (two words) who think you're swell and tell 'em you're wanting to find you a GF (one word). Ask for referrals.

Your mom (horrors! stay with me now!) might have a female friend who's closer to your age and is willing to "break you in," so to speak, on the date thing. If you go out to have coffee with someone wearing readers, there's a lot less pressure. (I used to do a daddy-daughter dance gig hosted by a church, ostensibly "to learn how to treat someone on a date." Problem is, the younger girls wanted to run around the room and play with each other! One guy brought his two teenage daughters! That's not a date!)

Try taking a class (adult ed, GRCC, GVSU) or signing up for a workshop. Make it cooking or arts or ballroom dance. (Women looooooove guys who can dance, or are willing to try to learn.) Don't sign up for Tools 101 or Model Airplanes or Restoring Your Classic Car. If you're the only male in the room, they will come to you. Go where women are. Fabric stores and Hobby Lobby are inundated with gals. Forget about finding someone at a coffee shop or the library. It's really tough to interrupt someone who's reading/surfing/studying.

And keep your expectations low, don't get ahead of yourself. (My parents met at an office picnic; he walked over and asked "what's your blood type?" and they married a couple months later, 56 years ago). It's like a job interview, but you don't have to accept the first offer, and you can ask about other opportunities.

Been to college? Go. If you're looking for nice women who are single and interested in something more than drinkin' smokin' partyin', that's where you'll find them.

And you might want to move out of Wayland. AFAIK, that's not yet a Cool City. Get you a pad in Eastown!

HTH

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Budgie Frisket Burg

Budgie Frisket

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Tony, this is one thing I would keep a secret (i.e. 21 and never been on a date). I would work on clearing that threshold first, then thinking about the other one (i.e. carrying yer new bride over).

A date is just a duet with two people who like each other well enough to go for coffee or a pop or a walk or a bike ride or whatever. One doesn't just walk up to a stranger and ask 'em out. Cultivate some friendships, talk to those girl friends (two words) who think you're swell and tell 'em you're wanting to find you a GF (one word). Ask for referrals.

Your mom (horrors! stay with me now!) might have a female friend who's closer to your age and is willing to "break you in," so to speak, on the date thing. If you go out to have coffee with someone wearing readers, there's a lot less pressure. (I used to do a daddy-daughter dance gig hosted by a church, ostensibly "to learn how to treat someone on a date." Problem is, the younger girls wanted to run around the room and play with each other! One guy brought his two teenage daughters! That's not a date!)

Try taking a class (adult ed, GRCC, GVSU) or signing up for a workshop. Make it cooking or arts or ballroom dance. (Women looooooove guys who can dance, or are willing to try to learn.) Don't sign up for Tools 101 or Model Airplanes or Restoring Your Classic Car. If you're the only male in the room, they will come to you. Go where women are. Fabric stores and Hobby Lobby are inundated with gals. Forget about finding someone at a coffee shop or the library. It's really tough to interrupt someone who's reading/surfing/studying.

And keep your expectations low, don't get ahead of yourself. (My parents met at an office picnic; he walked over and asked "what's your blood type?" and they married a couple months later, 56 years ago). It's like a job interview, but you don't have to accept the first offer, and you can ask about other opportunities.

Been to college? Go. If you're looking for nice women who are single and interested in something more than drinkin' smokin' partyin', that's where you'll find them.

And you might want to move out of Wayland. AFAIK, that's not yet a Cool City. Get you a pad in Eastown!

HTH

My advice:

Don't look. Well, I mean LOOK, but don't be on the prowl just for the sake of getting a girlfriend. Just be yourself, enjoy what you're doing, and if you happen to meet someone, BONUS!

Here's a true story. My mother used to work in an office where other secretaries would pick on this one poor girl, because they were jealous of her beauty. The beauty took a trip to California for a vacation, and during the flight to CA, a handsome Marine had the seat next to her. They got to talking, exchanged contact info. When the beauty got back to work, a gorgeous bouquet of flowers awaited. (The evil co-workers seethed.) Anyway, long story short, she and the Marine ended up getting married and lived happily ever after.

(Well, I added the happily ever after part only because I have no idea how well they are doing.)

Sounds like a fairy tale, but it's true. My mother has never told a lie in her life. Heck, I've never even heard her swear. Ever.

There's hope. Just enjoy your singlehood while you can. Once you're hitched, it's all downhill from there.

:lol:

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Budgie Frisket Burg

Budgie Frisket

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...And here's to you Mrs. Robinson...

Sorry, I'm horrible..... :silly:

Hey, I'm all for the older woman-younger guy thing. Can be loads of fun...

TS you dont have to be "bad" guy to get girls, only immature high school GIRLS like that crap... WOMEN like men with confidence and direction. They want a MAN not a boy.

Here, here!

(Ooops. Meant to say, here! here! Oh, wait, I said it again. Drat)

Hear, hear!

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twoshort Town

twoshort

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oooh I've never had good luck at crush. Everytime I go there, I get well whats the right word for "weeps for humanity" I swear if I run into another dude who is distraught that his cool shirt, and tie with cool khakis isnt snabing up the hotties I'm going to puke!

http://www.thephatphree.com/Features.asp?S...LayoutType=4140

Caution: Some bad language.

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Weallneedhistory Whistle-Stop

Weallneedhistory

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My advice:

Don't look. Well, I mean LOOK, but don't be on the prowl just for the sake of getting a girlfriend. Just be yourself, enjoy what you're doing, and if you happen to meet someone, BONUS!

Budgie nailed it dead center, don't go looking for a girlfriend/boyfriend but instead do what you enjoy doing, but to a greater extent. This does not mean nursing a drink at the Crush every weekend while trying to look hot but acting like you're not trying to appear hot. Get out, go read a book in a park, play the guitar, write poetry, see a play, go to the symphony, visit coffee shops and old bookstores, research the history of this city or take a walk through it, or just go do what you enjoy doing. This might mean leaving the basement video game/computer, and heading into the sunshine. Life should be spent doing, not wishing (although we do need dreamers in this world too.) I just encourage people not to go looking for relationships in bars and clubs.

And in whatever you do, do it with confidence.

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