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Charlotteman

Kids running wild in public spaces

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Today I had a disturbing experience at the local post office. I went in and there were a few people in line ahead of me. I quickly noted that two young children --I would say 3 and 5 years old, were running all over the place.

I couldn't tell who their parents were, and it turned out their mom was at the postal window completely oblivious to her kids. They tried to go inside an office. They began to run up and down the marble stairs leading to the main postal floor. I became very very concerned about them falling and hitting their heads on the marble steps.

So I finally alerted the mom about what was happening. She was cavalier which upset me. I kind of lost it and told her she needed to take better care of her kids. Then she got defiant and told me to worry about myself. I didn't let it go for a second. I kept on admonishing her as she walked out the door muttering defensive comments to me.

I am a nurse, and I'll be damned if I am going to stand there and watch kids in dangerous situations, while their negligent parents ignore them.

Another thing that concerned me is that the kids were well out of sight to anyone in the post office. A sick twisted maniac could have grabbed those kids before anyone even knew what happened. Very disturbing.

Has anything similar ever happened to you?

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The other week, I stoped at the Beckley Service Center on the West Virginia Turnpike and watched a family a couple of tables over in complete shock. The youngest child was sick and the father was dealing with it. The other child was being watched by the mother, who was much more interested in a cell phone call. Well, let's say the child was being "creative" while mom was on the phone. He was taking ketchup and mustard and making designs on several tables in the rest area and mom could plainly see. She did make a comment after getting off the phone that "daddy doesn't like you being creative in public like you are at home."

I got up to leave and just couldn't stop myself and told her that she needed to teach her kid to respect other people's property and it turned quickly into a brief shouting match between me and her. I didn't back off my position and she got quiet when her husband came out and asked what was going on. He was very calm and "thanked me" for bringing my concerns to his attention. That probably wasn't a pleasant car ride after they left...

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Movie theater:

Parents who don't want to hire a babysitter that bring their obviously too-young children to the theater so that they can run around down the aisles and in and out of the theater and talk... the parents make little comments to the kids to shut up but they're too wrapped up in the movie to really care that much... so we just starting shushing the kids which usually shuts them up.

I remember another time a friend and I went to see the movie "The Ring".. as it was PG-13, there was no shortage of 13 year olds in the theater, including 5 or 6 13 year old girls right behind us. One of the girls had seen the movie the night before and kept 'alerting' the other girls as to what was coming up next... no matter, when the big scene happened, they would scream and then giggle uncontrollably and gab amongst themselves about how scary that was.

Finally my friend lost it when we heard "OMG like, okay, like omg.. the NEXT scene..like, okay.. it's really scary. Okay, it's not like THAT scary, but some guy like gets electrocuted in a bathtub"...

So my friend just turns around with the nastiest look on her face and says "Would you PLEASE just shut the f**k up!!!??" And the girls just had this look of horror upon their faces that someone would actually have the nerve to ask them to be quiet. So every time they talked after that we just turned around and made a loud shushing noise.

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Yes, I see poorly behaving kids all the time. I don't say anything to the parents though, because you never know if the kids will be abused for embarrassing the parent in public.

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Well i'm not a parent, so i'm nowhere near qualified to give advice. I can say I don't like it when parents don't work to teach their kids to be polite in public. I consider that an inconsiderate behavior on the part of the parents. It's their responsiblity to teach them. However I can only imagine that it's not easy being a parent, and if you have strong willed kids, I could see a person becoming numb just to avoid a fight. Who knows sometimes it almost gets worse I'm sure. I get impatient when kids get roudy and disturb other people, but i'm trying to teach myself to be more patient with human beings in general. Though it's hard to by sympathetic to something I don't fully understand.

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Let's face it------small children are going to behave like small children. Nothing anyone can really do about it.......

My problem is when parents ignore their children who happen to be getting themselves into dangerous situations.

And I agree with an earlier post--if you can't afford a babysitter, then stay home and rent a movie. That's not so hard to figure out, is it?

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Well, as im no where near old enough to know how to raise a child, i cant really tell anyone what to do, or give them advice. But, i agree about the movie thing, i always get stuck behind the 10 year olds in the R-Rated/PG-13 movie. They arent old enough to know whats going on in the movie, so they ask their parents questions, their parents then ignore them, then they just start talking amongst themselves, then the parents ignore that, then someone else tells them to be quiet, and the parents get mad!

The thing that bothered me the most that i saw was at the supermarket one time. There was two kids with their mom, she had no idea that they even left her, if she even really cared, and they were playing with hamburgers and steak in the meat department, throwing it around in the refrigerator! She didnt even notice until them manger walked the kids back, im sure he wanted to yell at the lady, but couldnt becuase he'd get fired. Now, what if one of the kids had eatan some of the raw meat? The mom wouldnt know a thing, until the kid got sick, told his mom what he did, and then the mother would sue the store.

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I'm sorry this happened, but it's part of a disturbing trend. It seems NO ONE disciplines their children anymore!! Everyone wants to be their child's friend and not piss the kid off. They're all afraid their kids will hate them.

My parents were very stern with me and I was spanked often. I plan on doing the same to my child. I may not be a perfect person, but I feel I turned out pretty well. I was a very bad child growing up and was spanked all the time. I joined a street gang as a teenager and got into a lot of trouble. But thanks to my parents' persistence, I'm a nice guy and a productive citizen.

It not only pisses me off to see so many misbehaving children, but it scares me as well. The children are our future, and we're not only raising a bunch of little weaklings but we're also raising serial killers, thieves, cheats, liars, crackheads, etc.

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dtown that was exactly my point. What if those small children ate some of that raw meat, and mom didn't know???? That's what I mean by kids being in dangerous situations with oblivious parents. Trust me, if those kids would have eaten that raw meat, they would be in the hospital right now.

SBC I can't disagree with you more. "Spanking" is ASSAULT and BATTERY. Hitting kids only teaches them that hitting is "okay". Kids that were hit almost always grow up with psychological damage. Just look at yourseflf as a perfect example. You were hit all the time as a child, and you ended up in a GANG! How obvious does it have to be?

SBC I don't know you from Adam, but I'll tell you this--if you were ever in public and I saw you hitting a child, I would immediately intervene. You would have to deal with ME! I would never sit still and see ANY human being being physically abused. It's probably the nurse in me, but let me put parents on alert in Washington, where I live. If I see you abusing your kids in public, I will immediately stop you physically, and then I'll call the proper state departments to deal with you. Zero tolerance.

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Yes, spanking is wrong. There are far more effective ways to develop outstanding children and human beings. For example, by building a respect for life and learning from day one, and by not messing with their minds by feeding them a steady stream of sugar and then making them pop Ritalin. That's the best way, create an environment where they will love life (I don't mean to spoil, don't associate happiness with materialism). Yes, punishment is necessary sometimes, but spanking is too brutish and doesn't fit the crime in the majority of cases. The goal should be for the child to learn, not for the child to feel pain.

Parenting tips from a 20 year old that's at least 10 years from even thinking about having kids. haha

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There is some thought in the psychiatric community that physical abuse might cause BRAIN DAMAGE!!!!!!!!! Think about it, the very people who are supposed to be loving and protecting you start hitting you!! Think of the emotional and psychological conflict that causes~~~

My parents hit me all the time when I was growing up---with belts and sticks, savage slaps in the face etc. Funny thing I NEVER got any corporal punishment in school. I never got in trouble in school. I was a good kid. My parents were depraved, and highly abusive to my sister and I. We received severe beatings, with bruises, for such things as dropping a glass of tea.

I have had plenty of problems too. I suffer with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) Sometimes out of the blue I have flashbacks about my parents brutilizing me. The flashbacks leave me in a daze, unable to regain my composure for a few minutes. It's no fun folks.

So those of you who chose to assault your kids, remember my story. Keep beating them, and the Prozac company will continue to flourish, generation after generation.

Hopefully it won't be long until our culture wakes up and realizes that hitting a child is really no different than hitting an adult. For example, if the penalty for hitting an adult is 2 weeks in jail, it should be the same penalty for hitting a child.

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dtown that was exactly my point. What if those small children ate some of that raw meat, and mom didn't know???? That's what I mean by kids being in dangerous situations with oblivious parents. Trust me, if those kids would have eaten that raw meat, they would be in the hospital right now.

SBC I can't disagree with you more. "Spanking" is ASSAULT and BATTERY. Hitting kids only teaches them that hitting is "okay". Kids that were hit almost always grow up with psychological damage. Just look at yourseflf as a perfect example. You were hit all the time as a child, and you ended up in a GANG! How obvious does it have to be?

SBC I don't know you from Adam, but I'll tell you this--if you were ever in public and I saw you hitting a child, I would immediately intervene. You would have to deal with ME! I would never sit still and see ANY human being being physically abused. It's probably the nurse in me, but let me put parents on alert in Washington, where I live. If I see you abusing your kids in public, I will immediately stop you physically, and then I'll call the proper state departments to deal with you. Zero tolerance.

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My mom spanked me when i was little, not for no reason, but when i disobeyed her after she told me to do something several times. Not just little things ,but generally disrespectful things. Im turning out to be just fine, its not like she beat me, just slapped my behind, it hurt, but i was NEVER bruised or anything. Personally, i dont know if i will spank my kids if i choose to have them. Probobly not, i hope that i wont have to.

Im sorry to hear about what your parents did you, it was wrong Charlotteman, and can understand why you dont want to see children being hit. No one should be abused, ever. But, IMO, somethines children dont know whats right, and wont learn, unless they have some discipline, and when a child repeatedly disobeys and disrespects other kids and adults, that is resonables circumstances for a spanking.

Just FYI, there is a limit to this. Im not saying you can hit a kid for no reason. A few years ago a saw a drunk old asshole beating on his wife and pushing his stepkids around while i was up camping. I called the cops on him, and was happy to see him get arrested. It wasnt discipline, it was abuse. There is a fine line that you cannot cross.

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As far as hitting a child goes, if he/she is over 4 years old, he/she is able to reason. Reason is a much better discipline than hitting. If an adult hits a child over 4 years old, it's because he/she has NO parenting skills and no knowledge of human growth and development.

And you're right SBC, if I ever did intervene seeing child abuse, I might be physically rebuffed by an aggressive parent. I've never had to intervene before, but it's a chance I would have to take. I guess I would rather get hit, than see a child being hit~~~I look at it this way--a child being abused by his parents has NO ONE to advocate for him/her. I don't want to interfere in family matters. But if I'm left no choice, then I guess I have to do it.

I don't think I'm a tough a** or anything.:) I have never even been in a fight in my whole life. But to protect a child, I would have no choice but to risk it. I adore kids, and people of all ages. I'll be damned if anyone will be abused when I'm around.

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Unfortunately reasoning is not always the best way to solve problems. Animals of every type on this planet have evolved pain for a purpose, do not forget that. I am not an advocate of spanking, but there are times that it is necessary AND the best method. My father spanked me pretty harshly when I was a child once when I ran from him into a street, mocking him as he screamed after me. His spanking imprinted in my mind the seriousness of the situation in a way none other would have - that is also the hallmark of a 4 year old child - he CANNOT reason very well.

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As far as hitting a child goes, if he/she is over 4 years old, he/she is able to reason. Reason is a much better discipline than hitting. If an adult hits a child over 4 years old, it's because he/she has NO parenting skills and no knowledge of human growth and development.

And you're right SBC, if I ever did intervene seeing child abuse, I might be physically rebuffed by an aggressive parent. I've never had to intervene before, but it's a chance I would have to take. I guess I would rather get hit, than see a child being hit~~~I look at it this way--a child being abused by his parents has NO ONE to advocate for him/her. I don't want to interfere in family matters. But if I'm left no choice, then I guess I have to do it.

I don't think I'm a tough a** or anything.:) I have never even been in a fight in my whole life. But to protect a child, I would have no choice but to risk it. I adore kids, and people of all ages. I'll be damned if anyone will be abused when I'm around.

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In my humble opinion, if a 6 year old child for example, sasses at his mom and is disobedient, her best reaction would be to determine a non-physical punishment on the spot. A punishment that wouldn't be any fun for a 6 year old---like missing their favorite TV show for three weeks etc. or not being allowed to go with the family to get ice cream.

Hitting a child over 4-5 years old is insanity. For folks that chose to hit their children, do they also hit adults that they have problems with? Adults and kids are both human beings and deserve not to be hit for any reason.

Call me wacko, or nuts or whatever ya chose:) I've been called worse. But I'll continue to hold to my convictions--that I won't stand silently by while another human being is hit or abused.

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SBC you need to re read your post, because you completely contradicted yourself. You said perhaps the reason I've never been in a fight is that I don't know how to handle conflict. Not having ever been in a fight means that I must be pretty darn good at diffusing conflict!

But you on the other hand, advocate hitting people of all ages...like your suggestion to hit someone in a grocery store. And hitting your brother. Hitting seems to be a part of your conflict resolution. It is my LAST means of resolution.

And yes you might totally kick my butt if I was forced to intervene in you slapping around your kids. But I say again, it's a chance I am willing to take. I was abused as a child, and if I stand by and watch a child being abused today, then my karma would be in shambles, wouldn't it?

I still love ya though SBC.:)

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In my humble opinion, if a 6 year old child for example, sasses at his mom and is disobedient, her best reaction would be to determine a non-physical punishment on the spot. A punishment that wouldn't be any fun for a 6 year old---like missing their favorite TV show for three weeks etc. or not being allowed to go with the family to get ice cream.

Hitting a child over 4-5 years old is insanity. For folks that chose to hit their children, do they also hit adults that they have problems with? Adults and kids are both human beings and deserve not to be hit for any reason.

Call me wacko, or nuts or whatever ya chose:) I've been called worse. But I'll continue to hold to my convictions--that I won't stand silently by while another human being is hit or abused.

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SBC you and I are about 95% on the same page of this question. We both totally abhor parents who ignore their disrespectful kids in public. We both want kids to be polite, civil, kind, and well behaved. We both want kids to grow up and make a success of their lives. We both want harmony in family life.

We disagree on very little actually.:)

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SBC you and I are about 95% on the same page of this question. We both totally abhor parents who ignore their disrespectful kids in public. We both want kids to be polite, civil, kind, and well behaved. We both want kids to grow up and make a success of their lives. We both want harmony in family life.

We disagree on very little actually.:)

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Actually we're probably more like 99% on the same page SBC. I would tolerate much much less than I see parents tolerating from their kids in public. My children being good citizens would be one of the very first things they would learn. I can tell you feel the same.:)

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Spanking has it's place, and it isn't abuse. Spanking does not show children that violence is ok, it illustrates what they did was so severe that they had dire consequences coming if they did the act again (if you can call a spanking dire. I don't, but kids seem to disagree). There is a huge difference between spanking and abuse. If you slap the kid across the face or punch him/her or shake the kid to do damage that is abuse. A good slap across the ass very rarely for important matters is definitely not. You disagree, and I respect that, but getting involved when someone is disciplining their child with a spank on the butt is a good way to end up in the hospital, and it's weird that you would take to violence to stop violence.

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Spanking was never effective on me. I actively rebelled against my parents if they spanked me. I would become so angry and contemptuous of them that I would scheme to find ways to "get them back". The last time my father spanked me I didn't talk to him for a week, and it hurt him but for me it was simple revenge.

To me, spankings didn't hurt or solve problems, it made them worst and it just made me angry. For that reason I will never spank my children, because I'm afraid I'll just spread hte seeds of rebellion in them and I'll have to deal with it when they get old enough to really be a destructive force.

By far, for me, the worst punishment was being grounded to my room. Despite having all sorts of books and radio and plenty of stuff to do in there to occupy me for an entire day, I couldnt' STAND being stuck in my room all day. But I never got grounded to my room for the whole day because I usually stayed in there until my stubbornness wore off and I accepted what I did was wrong and then went and apologized and we could work out a less severe punishment for hte rest of the day (like not being able to go outside and play)...

I am by nature a non-violent person. I do not fight and have broken up more than a few fights in my day. I think spanking is ultimately ineffective in most situations...

In some situations though, it is warranted, especially if the child puts him/herself in danger, like stepping out into a street without looking first.. that's when you yank the child back violently and swat him on the ass.. mostly to scare the hell out of him, indicating to NEVER do that again.

If my child were to sass off to me by swearing, I'd ultimately feel bad. You have no idea how many times I've heard parents say "QUIT YOUR DAMN SWEARING!!!"... some parents are just control-hungry hypocrites, and that, I can't stand.

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