Joke Warehouse

[GRDadof3]

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, told them about the shed robbery, and they asked 'Is someone in your house?' and he said 'no'. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.

George said, 'Okay,' hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them" and hung up.

Within five minutes six police cars, a SWAT Team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George: 'I thought you said that you'd shot them!' George said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!'

[GR Jackson]

That's my seven-year-old niece's favorite joke! Well...maybe it's second to this one, which she tells with alarming frequency:

1: Knock, knock.

2: Who's there?

1: Interrupting cow.

2: Interrup--?

1: MOO!

[GRguy]

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce that's parked on the street in front of the bank.

Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer approaches her and says:

"We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we're a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked out your accounts and found that you were a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

"Well, where else in Manhattan can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?"

[GR Jackson]

Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

[OneSweetWorld]

Easter's coming up so here's some holiday-appropriate jokes:

Q: What do you call ten Easter bunnies marching backwards?

A: A receding hareline.

Q: What do you call the Easter Bunny after a hard day

[GR Jackson]

Why are Dutch people's noses so big?

Because (deep inhale) air is free.

[Veloise]

Knock knock.

Who's there.

Control freak. Now this is where you say, "control freak who?"