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Jacksonville Super Bowl editorials


bobliocatt

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Calkins: Jacksonville is us

Any joke told on their river city can be told here, too; that's not all bad

Jacksonville, Fla. -- Jacksonville is so backward, the river runs north.

The slogan says it's Where Florida Begins. Just Barely Florida would have been more accurate.

Having a Super Bowl in Jacksonville makes about as much sense as ...

Oh, wait.

I just thought of something.

Jacksonville is a small, gritty city in the South.

Memphis is a small, gritty city in the South.

Jacksonville has multiple bridges.

Memphis has multiple bridges.

Jacksonville doesn't have enough hotel rooms.

Memphis doesn't have enough hotel rooms.

Jacksonville has one major-league team.

Memphis has one major-league team.

Jacksonville is on a river.

Memphis is on a river.

So you see the problem, right?

I can't rip Jacksonville. We are Jacksonville.

"We think you'll be impressed by the hospitality," said NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue.

Sound familiar?

Apart from Terrell Owens's ankle, the biggest story of Super Bowl week is this: Jacksonville isn't Paris.

Yes, it's true. Many important journalists have confirmed it.

Tony Kornheiser: "How did Jacksonville get the Super Bowl? What, Tuscaloosa was booked?"

Norman Chad: "The NFL holding a Super Bowl in Jacksonville, Fla., makes about as much sense as the Pope holding Easter Mass in Atlantic City."

Jim Donaldson, of the Providence Journal: "It's a good thing the Giants didn't get to the Super Bowl this year. Eli Manning would have refused to play here."

Step right up, take a whack. This may be the the first Super Bowl party with a pinata.

Tagliabue spent the first part of his state-of-the-league address defending Jacksonville.

Here's an actual question posed to Philadelphia coach Andy Reid earlier in the week: "Coach, is there anything about Jacksonville that repulses you?"

Reid said no. But the truth is, Jacksonville is an easy target. Winn-Dixie is the largest private employer. The city gave us Pat Boone and David Hasselhoff. Flip open the Yellow Pages and you'll find a foreign car repair specialist called -- deep sigh -- "The Jap Shop."

So Jacksonville isn't terribly sophisticated. But you know what? Neither are most of us.

We shop at Wal-Mart. We take our kids to Chick-fil-A. We pick our favorites on "American Idol".

Does this mean that a place like Jacksonville shouldn't get a Super Bowl? Or that a place like Memphis shouldn't get an NBA All-Star game?

Or does it mean that everyone should relax and enjoy their visits to real-life America?

Give credit to the people in Jacksonville, at least. They have retained their sense of humor.

The Jacksonville paper has a Web page called, "Go Ahead, Bash Us." The paper offers up 39 jokes that out-of-town journalists can borrow to rip the city.

When you read the jokes, one thing stands out. With a little tinkering, most would work just as well in Memphis.

11. Sure, it's unbearably hot for nine months a year. But it's a wet heat.

31. The biggest landmark downtown is First Baptist Church. At least we know they aren't going out of business.

32. Can't find a cab? Don't feel bad, Jacksonville natives have never seen one either. 'That's one of them yeller cars, right?'

34. Yes, that was a restaurant sign you saw that said "Chinee-Takee-Outee."

35. A strip mall for every taste.

So there you go. Even if you don't have a favorite team Sunday, you should pull for Jacksonville. We are they. They are us. Right down to that Southern hospitality.

20. You weren't mistaken. Someone just called you honey. (Admit it: you liked it).

To reach Geoff Calkins, call him at 529-2364

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  • 3 weeks later...

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the historic buildings.  Even though Miami will have an outstanding collection of buildings in the near future, currently, it has some crappy architecture.  Miami's first substantial building boom was in the 60's/70's, whereas Jacksonville's building boom was in the 20's/30's.  Not to rag on Miami, but I love Jacksonville's historic buildings.  I'm still hoping to see some really good articles, that paint the city for all of its impressive aspects. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I know I'm late and completely off topic, but I cam across this and thought it needed to be challenged. Where in the world would you get the idea that Miami is all 60's and 70's? You'd be hard pressed to find many homes from that era within 20 miles of downtown. Miami boomed in the 20's, boomed in the 30's, boomed in the 50's, boomed in the 80's and booming now.

If you really think Miami has some crappy architecture I'd be more than glad to take you around some of are great historical areas.

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